i’m back.

Yo, what’s up guys!? 

It’s been a minute. 

How has life in the q been treating ya? 

It has been a rollercoaster ride for me, that’s for damn sure. And sadly, I’m sure this narrative resonates with many of you reading this. 

But hey — we made it to today! That’s a plus!! 

Anyway, life has been weird for everyone. 

I wouldn’t say I struggle with change, but I do have trouble with time management when structures are absent. 

I fuck around with my time. Not always, I promise!! 

When I’m on my shit and being productive, I’m really on it.

On the flip side, however, when I am sloppy with my schedules and routines, I am a total mess. 

During my time in quarantine, I have been telling myself I will read more. 

The book I am currently reading is by one of my OG Youtube faves, Meghan Rienks.

It’s “somewhat” of a memoir titled You’re Not Special

Of course I needed to read it.

I have been enjoying it. Meghan writes in a very conversational tone, similar to the one I try to emulate in my writing. 

This book is written as a walkthrough of Meghan’s life lessons essentially. 

I think I am enjoying it so much because I want to write a book in a similar style. This one is sparking a million ideas for my piece!

Today I read chapter 19, depression, which inspired me actually to begin writing this!

Mental illness is a stigma. WHY?

In reality, everyone knows someone who suffers from or has a friend/relative suffering from depression, anxiety, or another ‘mental illnesses.’ 

Yet if someone mentions the concept, heads turn. 

In the chapter, Meghan recounts her spiral to the lowest point of her depression, and her inability to mask it any longer. 

At the time, Meghan was a sophomore in college having issues with her ‘bestie’ roommates from the previous year and feeling like an outsider among her Greek life ‘sisters’. A tale I know too well. 

With Youtube being her career, she couldn’t fake a smile in front of the camera anymore. 

What did she do? She told her audience what was up. 

That’s brave. 

What is even more admirable about her choice to be transparent is that she kept along her mental health journey. 

I use the term journey specifically because it is continuous

I used to think that at some time I won’t be sad anymore. 

That was naive. 

However, what I have learned is that it is more important for good days to outweigh bad ones.

Here I am, being authentic, and telling you guys that I too am depressed. 

I’m sure a lot of you reading this are! 

It is okay to talk about it. 

It is okay to own that aspect of yourself. 

It is nothing to be ashamed of. 

It is okay not to be okay!!! 

I needed to write this post to remind myself of that. I’m here telling you guys too!! 

If you’ve read this far, take a minute to understand that whether you see it or not, you are fantastic for being alive right now. 

Times get hard, and seasons get dark. Each moment is a gift. 

entering the closing of a decade

Please see the above. Middle row, far left.

I hope you all had a wonderful December 25th, whether you celebrate the commercial scam that is Christmas or not! 😊 This is my final post of 2019, which I am floored by — where is the time going?? 

I was debating closing the year with a summary of what I learned in 2019. Then I started writing it out for the first six months of the year, and already had a seven-page document…

Rather, in the spirit of moving forward and continuing along the path of personal growth, I am going to mention a bit of what 2020 has in store! I’ve come to realize all the drama and nonsense of this year was the necessary “grunt work” for 2020 to be smooth…ish. I am incredibly excited to close 2019 and start with a clean slate. So if you want to hear about the #goals I’m achieving this new year, read on. 

I am grateful to have the peace of mind that: a roof will remain over my head, I will have a solid support system to fall back on if need be, and I will not go hungry. Not everyone can say that.
Knowing I have these things allows me to focus on being a student. I have discovered I am a lifelong learner. I’m curious — always have been. Since I could talk I have asked questions and wanted to expand my mind. However, there was a point in time that I was solely supporting myself and I had to prioritize shifts at work to pay bills over doing homework assignments or studying. 
I intend to continue my prioritization of knowledge in 2020. As you may be aware, I started this fall semester at a new university, and I am proud to say I’m happy with my performance! The amount of knowledge I have absorbed and the ways in which I have gotten to know myself is truly astounding. Something I will be doing next semester is going to professor’s office hours and making more in-depth connections. The individuals I have met are some of the most authentic, genuine and intelligent people I know. Creating another support system is important, especially when it comes to education. You never know who knows who. 

2020 has tons of exciting stuff happening through my pursuit of personal branding. For the first time in my college career, I have a winter break (which is insanely long)! I’m taking advantage of it by preplanning a bunch of content (blog posts, social media, campaigns, etc.) I have also created a relationship with the founder of In Between Rivers, Briana. She is an awesome boss lady who I am going to be working with a bunch in the next few weeks. Looking forward to some awesome content (Briana is an amazing photographer) and exciting networking opportunities!!

How ironic this is the final point I touch on, but in 2020 I am going to prioritize myself. 
The year is packed with super awesome stuff, and I have to make sure I am promoting my best self throughout the process. What help are you to others if you can’t even help yourself? 

Ya girl is going to make time for an awesome skincare routine and morning meditations. I am going to push myself to read and workout more. I forgot how much I love doing those things because I stopped prioritizing them. Life happens! We are all guilty of falling off and struggling to get back on. I have been saying it, but this time I’m doing it — time to get back on my bullshit. 

I hope you guys are as excited about the new year as I am! In the spirit of manifestation, comment a goal you will achieve in 2020. ☺️💫

As always, thank you for reading. Have an amazing close of the year with the best projection of your future. 

Talk soon, 
Alex