Categories
Everythanggg my life

update

Hey guys!

As we’re all aware the entire world is in a time of transition.

For many of us, the structures of our lives have been taken away.
However, despite the impact of outside circumstances you are in control of your life.

Over this period of self-isolation, I have reflected inward and practiced grounding myself to our new reality.
Regular practice of yoga and meditation (hippie-dippy sh*t) help immensely!

Even just a few minutes daily adds up.

I have been loving ADRIENE and KASSANDRA for yoga stretches and workouts. Adriene also has some pretty awesome meditations on her Youtube channel.

For meditations, my go-to podcasts are PURELY BEING, MINDFUL IN MINUTES, or WOMEN’S MEDITATION NETWORK.

All of these can be found on Apple Podcast or Spotify! I also encourage taking a solo search for “guided meditation” to see what else is available!

Channeling my inner energy and thinking about what I want to do with this time has sparked many mini fires within me.

I have a ton of ideas in the works including a scholarly article on authenticity and its relation to success that I cannot wait to share with the world. And while I love creating content for my blog, other aspirations of mine are calling me.

I have decided to take a hiatus from blogging to pursue other projects.

I appreciate the time spent reading my content. More to come in the future.

Keep up with me on INSTAGRAM in the meantime.

Categories
my life positivity

loner

I like doing things alone better.

I am an only child so that may make more sense… maybe?

Whatever the case may be I’ve never disliked being alone.

However, this is not the case for all.

Rather than asking why others dislike solitude, I thought about why I enjoy being alone!

‘ME TIME’

Don’t get me wrong — I like being social!

But I also enjoy spending time by myself.

Recharge yourself. It’s necessary.

I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN

There is a certain satisfaction in doing something outside of the norm.

We all know it.

Being alone in public tends to be one of those taboo things.

So yeah, if I go to a happy hour alone to journal it is okay to feel confident in your difference!

Just follow through with what feels good for you.

You’ll be amazed by how awesome happiness feels!

APPRECIATE YOURSELF

Something I have learned overtime is that no will be will able to give you love you’re “looking for”.

You have to love yourself.
That’s the only way.
All that good (cliche) bullsh*t.

Hey, I don’t make the rules!

Think about all the joys of solitude, such as no one else to account for or answer to.

It is freeing!

Do you guys like having alone time?
Let me know in the comments below!

Talk to y’all soon,
Alex

Categories
my life

one for me

This post was inspired by THIS song.
Great listen. I would highly recommend.

A day can make a whole world of difference in life.

Imagine a day something incredibly impactful happened to you.

Those few seconds of processing the information made a difference.

Now scale that to a year!
Time changes a lot of things, as I’m sure we are all well aware.

On Valentines Day I crafted an Instagram feed post and stories sponsored by Saxbys. This is something I could have never envisioned myself doing!

Saturday marked one year since I moved in with my aunt.

Tuesday I attended the media party opening of the new Dim Sum House in Rittenhouse Square hosted by the public relations company I used to work for.

Although these things may not sound incredibly crazy or important, they are huge milestones for me.

I’m not one to be sensitive but while reflecting on challenges I faced in 2019 I’ve been nostalgic! I am incredibly proud of the woman I have and continue to become, the emotional and mental progress I have made, and the professional growth I have achieved.

At this point last year I was in the process of expanding my world.
Previously the lens through which I viewed life was incredibly distorted. I believed I was fighting all of my battles alone. Everyone and everything was against me.

I didn’t realize it at the time but I was a baby bird with broken wings.

At the start of 2019, I was still enrolled at Drexel University and the new quarter was about to begin.

I took Introduction to Western Philosophy which I accredit largely to enlightening me on the larger picture of life. I forget the professor’s name but he was cool as hell.

Many of the belief systems and norms of Western cultures I was introduced to intrigued me. I was a great student for this course.
I did most of the readings, participated in class, thoroughly completed the homework. I really enjoyed the course!

I was already familiar with the concept of self-reflection, or introspective thinking, but this class piqued my interest further.

Mindfulness, a state of awareness or consciousness, can be achieved through enough reflection and practice. This is a state of mind in which you’re able to truly think clearly.

It’s not a one and done kinda thing sadly.
You have to learn about various methods and see which work best for you.

If you would have told me a year ago I would be preaching about the importance of mindfulness through meditation and self-reflection I would not believe you.

But ya know,
🎶 What a difference a day makes… 🎶

We must experience discomfort to grow.

My Pattern, an astrology app which I follow as religiously as Co-Star Astrology, has been telling me that I attract wild experiences.

I have indeed had some crazy life experiences thrown my way but to say I draw them to me is insane. However, sis isn’t usually wrong…

So I’ve been working on my methods of leadership to be able to control my life!

I cannot control what happens to me but I can control how I react to it.

Thanks Aunt Leen for saying that to me repeatedly until it eventually made sense!

Here’s to 2020! A year full of positivity, love, and growth for all!

Think about where you came from.
Embrace where you are now.

Talk soon,
Alex

Categories
my life

what’s good, my people?

Hey guys! January has been the longest month ever.

We’re in a new year, new things are happening, moves are being made — all that good stuff! 

This week I wanted to update y’all about what’s happening in my life because I’m sure you are all just dying to know. 

Phase I

For the first few weeks of January I’ve been putting myself out there applying for influencer campaigns, freelance writing opportunities, networking events, etc. Essentially just getting all my sh*t together before classes start for Spring.

Phase II

Classes have begun as of Monday. I’m happy to say I am looking forward to my courses this semester. 

Knock on wood.

I was slightly worried about my workload in tandem with all the opportunities I applied myself to. However, I am feeling secure in my time management capabilities. (For now.) ☺️


**drumroll**


I have been offered a position as a Saxbys Partner for the spring semester! Yay!! 

I am very excited to work with a company I have been a fan of for so long! I cannot wait to see what other doors this opportunity will open.

This is super fresh information to me, so look out on Instagram for further details soon.

Published Writer??

I have been approved as a freelance writer for Philadelphia Weekly, which is gnarly. I pitched them my first story idea on Monday and they loved it. They’re looking for gritty, laugh out loud funny writing. 

Give me a beer or two. I’m the gal full of wild stories. 

Luckily I’m a decent writer too. 😋

Ask more, talk less. 

Enough said. 

I talk a lot. I could talk to a wall. This is both an asset and a hindrance. Over the years I have tamed my ruthless gift of gab. However, I have made it a priority in the new year to speak less and listen more. 

I am also working on becoming more comfortable with asking questions.

It is okay to not know everything.  

I’ve realized the importance of allowing others to share their entire thought before formulating and sharing my own response or rebuttal. 

It’s also imperative to remember you are never too old to learn. Each and every person has knowledge to share.  

Keep on keeping on. 

I’m going to do my thing for the remainder of January. See where February brings me after implementing a stable routine (fitness, academic, work). I tend to do best when following structure. 

Fingers crossed.

I hope your 2020 is off to a spectacular start and will keep on getting better. 

Talk soon, 
Alex  

Categories
my life positivity

entering the closing of a decade

Please see the above. Middle row, far left.

I hope you all had a wonderful December 25th, whether you celebrate the commercial scam that is Christmas or not! 😊 This is my final post of 2019, which I am floored by — where is the time going?? 

I was debating closing the year with a summary of what I learned in 2019. Then I started writing it out for the first six months of the year, and already had a seven-page document…

Rather, in the spirit of moving forward and continuing along the path of personal growth, I am going to mention a bit of what 2020 has in store! I’ve come to realize all the drama and nonsense of this year was the necessary “grunt work” for 2020 to be smooth…ish. I am incredibly excited to close 2019 and start with a clean slate. So if you want to hear about the #goals I’m achieving this new year, read on. 

I am grateful to have the peace of mind that: a roof will remain over my head, I will have a solid support system to fall back on if need be, and I will not go hungry. Not everyone can say that.
Knowing I have these things allows me to focus on being a student. I have discovered I am a lifelong learner. I’m curious — always have been. Since I could talk I have asked questions and wanted to expand my mind. However, there was a point in time that I was solely supporting myself and I had to prioritize shifts at work to pay bills over doing homework assignments or studying. 
I intend to continue my prioritization of knowledge in 2020. As you may be aware, I started this fall semester at a new university, and I am proud to say I’m happy with my performance! The amount of knowledge I have absorbed and the ways in which I have gotten to know myself is truly astounding. Something I will be doing next semester is going to professor’s office hours and making more in-depth connections. The individuals I have met are some of the most authentic, genuine and intelligent people I know. Creating another support system is important, especially when it comes to education. You never know who knows who. 

2020 has tons of exciting stuff happening through my pursuit of personal branding. For the first time in my college career, I have a winter break (which is insanely long)! I’m taking advantage of it by preplanning a bunch of content (blog posts, social media, campaigns, etc.) I have also created a relationship with the founder of In Between Rivers, Briana. She is an awesome boss lady who I am going to be working with a bunch in the next few weeks. Looking forward to some awesome content (Briana is an amazing photographer) and exciting networking opportunities!!

How ironic this is the final point I touch on, but in 2020 I am going to prioritize myself. 
The year is packed with super awesome stuff, and I have to make sure I am promoting my best self throughout the process. What help are you to others if you can’t even help yourself? 

Ya girl is going to make time for an awesome skincare routine and morning meditations. I am going to push myself to read and workout more. I forgot how much I love doing those things because I stopped prioritizing them. Life happens! We are all guilty of falling off and struggling to get back on. I have been saying it, but this time I’m doing it — time to get back on my bullshit. 

I hope you guys are as excited about the new year as I am! In the spirit of manifestation, comment a goal you will achieve in 2020. ☺️💫

As always, thank you for reading. Have an amazing close of the year with the best projection of your future. 

Talk soon, 
Alex

Categories
lifestyle my life

white out weekend ’19

Each October spectators from far and wide gather at State College, Pennsylvania, for the spectacle which is Penn State’s “White Out” football game. Hordes of people of all ages wander across Downtown, making their way towards Beaver Stadium. As far as the eye can see are students, alumni, families, fans and newcomers to football. Everyone dressed in varying white Penn State swag. Most groups carrying their choice case of beer or malt drink to enjoy at whichever tailgate they end up. Happy Valley is a cult. A fun cult, but a cult nonetheless.

Prior to this weekend I went to Penn State Main Campus one time for a visit during my senior year of high school. It is a nice campus and a nice area; however, it was not the type of environment I wanted for my college experience. Also, I would have had to attend the summer session and give up the opportunity to go to Hawaii the summer before my freshman year of college.

Sorry PSU but you were just not worth it to me.

I’m a city girl. Philly born and raised. I even have that 215-area code, so you know I am legit. Being here my entire life, I have been spoiled by the melting pot that is Philadelphia. I have endless food options available nearly any time of day, myriads of individuals from diverse backgrounds and pretty much anything anyone could need. I mean, sounds good to me.

It totally boggled my mind on Friday evening at State College as I scrolled through Grubhub to see my only options were pizza or wings.

(I ended up ordering from a place which sold a sandwich roll filled with diced grilled chicken a “chicken steak sandwich”. In the future I will be sure to pack more snacks, lol.)

As I mentioned earlier, I had no real knowledge of Penn State. I knew the white out game was a thing only because some of my friends attend the school.

I did not know how intense this spectacle is.

And I did not know the real importance of wearing white.

I showed up with an oversized navy blue basic “Penn State” hoodie a friend gave me, which I planned to crop. Ya girl wasn’t looking to spend money on a look I will never wear again.

This was a no. My friends said I would stand out, and I felt they were being dramatic.

They weren’t.

 

Alec, one of my best friends from high school, is amazing and not only let me stay with him but also let me borrow a crew neck sweatshirt — AND let me crop it to better suit my high waisted jeans.

What. A. Man. 😍

Being as I am such a fashion innovator, Alec loved my crop top and wanted to rock one as well. 😋Love you, boo. 😘

Aside from the lack of late-night food options I had a great time in Happy Valley for a whole 36 hours.

Did I enjoy myself? Yes. Would I go back? Yes, I’ll probably go visit again in the spring.

Do I regret not going to school there? Absolutely not.

I must admit, I have always had that little voice in the back of head questioning my decision to attend Drexel University. They are just so damn good at marketing themselves and I ate it up.

However, something I have come to realize throughout life is that things do fall into place.

Eventually.

You may not understand it while it’s happening, but eventually it will start to make sense. Believe me, I know that in between waiting period sucks. I think the vast majority of us will experience a segment of life where we feel kind of like so much shit is happening, and you have no idea what to do…
Then things kind of just start going right because of all the work you’ve put in.

yaas

It has taken my life 21 years to begin transitioning to the point where shit is going right, lol. Just like everyone else in the world, I have dealt with some wild stuff throughout life and it felt like the entire world was against me. Not to jinx myself, but things are finally where they should be. 

However, life did not just begin to shift into place and work its own kinks out. With much persistence, effort and will-power I have dealt with the obstacles life has thrown at me along the way. I have flourished into my personality, am able to better vocalize myself without fear of rejection and I can truly say I love the woman I have become. 

I am also incredibly grateful to be in an amazingly conducive growing environment at Temple University. It is amazing to be in a classroom with people who are partnered with Instagram, Maybelline, Clean & Clear… the list goes on!

These are real people.
People like me. What??
Then I get to thinking, 
Oh shitthis is something I actually can do…”

Transferring from Drexel University is by far one of the best decisions I have made. I am super thrilled with my experience at Temple so far and I cannot help but feel so much excitement for my future! 🙂

While my heart lies Temple, I will be reppin’ PSU pride again this spring. 😋

Categories
my life positivity

“…and then you die”

It seems as though you have been lucky enough to have come across my blog! Welcome. 😇☺️

As those of you who follow me on Instagram may know, recently I have been making the effort to read more books. One of the three books I am in the process of reading is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. Get the book. It’s great.

I have been hearing about this book and how awesome it is for a little over a year now. But I’m one of those people who when so many people are hyping something up I’m like, “Nah I’m good.” Then I get onto the trend late and bother my friends about it months after the craze has died down. (Shoutout to my friends. I love you peeps!!) So I finally picked up the book a few weeks ago and damn it, I have not been able to stop thinking about it! Manson and I seem to view life in the same sick and twisted way, which causes me to love the book even more obviously.

One of the main concepts which has stuck with me is the inevitability of death. Manson’s final chapter is titled, “…And Then You Die”. It discusses the tragic death of one of his childhood best friends which put him face-to-face with the reality of death. Fitting title.

Death is a fact of life which we cannot escape, yet it remains such a taboo subject when it involves us personally. Why? Because humans are naturally conditioned to be averted to things they are not able to fully understand.

The question of what happens after death is one which perplexes each individual at least once in life, no doubt. I don’t just mean what happens after in the sense of heaven or hell, reincarnation or vast nothingness — I mean the question of how will the world continue without you in it. What is your legacy? What, if anything, are you leaving behind to be remembered by? Manson divulges further into this idea of how an individual’s personality will outlive their physical self throughout the chapter. He makes a point that THIS is the aspect of death people tend to struggle with. If you really think about it, it is pretty damn daunting.

I believe most people would argue that if you’re lucky, you won’t have to experience the intense hardships of life, such as death, until you’re older and presumably more emotionally equipped to cope. I strongly disagree. Why is it a debate if a kid is going to be present at a wake / viewing / funeral? Sheltering a child from the world and its harsh truths is going to do nothing but prolong the inevitable… The strongest people I know are the ones who have experienced rough shit, processed it, grew from it and kept living despite it.

“People no longer realize it’s okay for things to suck sometimes.”

– Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

It is too damn true. We live in a world where everyone is supposed to do amazing things, be wonderful people, cure cancer, all that jazz. However, if we don’t fulfill these roles imposed upon us then we feel as though we have failed. Generally speaking.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been reading Co-Star Astrology daily for the past five or six months, and when I say this thing is scary relevant to my life, it is….

A few weeks ago, Co-Star’s message had mentioned the importance of “crying when you’re happy”. When I initially read it I’m thinking, “Why would I want to cry?” However, after processing it I’ve come to understand this to mean that even in times when you’re elated with happiness, you still have to understand and feel sadness. Being able to empathize with pain, or tragedy, helps you to appreciate life. You are forced to recognize your own mortality, whether you’re ready or not. And while this can be terrifying, once you’re face-to-face with the fear of death your perspective on life shifts.

Manson recounts his visit to the Cape of Good Hope on the coast of Cape Peninsula in South Africa. He talks about how he walked past the areas he wasn’t supposed to, going against his every instinct and sat on the edge of the cliff. Dangling his feet 820 feet above sea level.

Manson says in that moment he has never felt more alive.

I had a similar experience at the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland. I’m sitting on the edge of the cliff. My feet dangling 702 feet, so not as high but still damn intimidating. And as I’m sitting there I can’t help but peer over the edge, looking down into the abyss of murky fog. I can see nothing below. My heart was racing, my palms sweating and everything else that physically goes along with being incredibly panicked. But I wasn’t scared.

I understood Manson — I felt alive. More so than ever. ☺️

Thanks for reading!

Talk to y’all soon,
Alex

Categories
my life positivity

eulogy for my past self

I would like to begin this post by disclaiming I am not at all an astrological die-hard. Prior to this year, my extent of interest in horoscopes was reading mine if I happen to be flipping through a magazine. However, anyone who is close to me can attest that Co-Star Astrology is now my religion. No literally, my aunt has said that multiple times now… Co-Star is an app which uses your date and time of birth to pretty much predict your whole live. No exaggeration.

First, let me explain what Co-Star actually is. The company describes their application as a “hyper-personalized, social experience bringing astrology to the 21st century.” Whatever that means. Pretty much you input your birth date, time and place (state) then using NASA data, photos of the sky at the time you were born are generated. Based on this, the special voodoo magic maps out the whole damn solar system arrangement from when your infant body entered this world. I don’t know what the hell happened, but Co-Star knows me better than I know me! I am hooked and have dragged so many of my friends into the cult with me. (LOVE YOU ALL!!) But that is a whole other topic which I can go on about FOREVER. But dude, I’m telling you, Co-Star is the bitch who straight up calls you out on your shit and you hate her because you don’t want to hear it, but at the same time… you know she isn’t wrong…

Download it here. It’ll change your life. I’m going to be honest right now… prior to writing this, I did not really understand the algorithm of Co-Star. I was content with thinking it was my CIA agent spying on me. However, I digress.

I was lounging on the bench in my backyard sipping coffee and reading through Co-Star, as I normally do. Now, it is important to understand Co-Star gives you A LOT of information to read through — it’s not your typical one or two liner. And religiously, each morning I read through and take note of anything that particularly sticks out to me.

“Remember how far you’ve come. Write a eulogy for your past self.”

Again, for those of you who know me personally or even those who have read previous posts — I have changed a lot as a person in the past 12 months. Hell, I’m not the same person I was a month ago! Life moves on, people grow, all that good stuff.

Anyway, I began thinking a lot about it: “Remember how far you’ve come. Write a eulogy for your past self.” After awhile of mental brainstorming, I mustered up the courage to put my thoughts on paper. Now here I am, taking another step by actually fleshing out the idea in a Google Doc, presumably to be posted for public viewing.

Wild, I know. So hey, if you are not me and you are reading this: Woot woot! Go Alex! You did it! 🙂 As I mentioned, it took me months to put the initial thoughts on paper! So as you could imagine, I have been apprehensive to share these thoughts so publically.

Here goes:
I wish I could experience the bliss that is naivety again — even just briefly. You thought you knew it all. There is so much you have yet to find out about everything. Be kind to yourself, babe. Don’t just promote self-love, actually learn to love yourself. Stop repressing who you are for fear of ridicule. You are your own worst critic.

Learn how to validate yourself rather than relying on others to validate you. You can’t love anyone else until you’re able to love yourself. And although I would love to believe simply telling you this is enough to help you avoid the inevitable troubles ahead, it isn’t. You are going to have to experience these hardships in order for them to make an impact. There are going to be times when you are going to question why this bullshit happens to you; just keep on keeping on.

Although you may feel as though the entire world is against you, it’s not — give people a chance! Sometimes you will be pleasantly surprised. Remember that it is okay to rely on others. It is okay to build relationships; intimacy has many facets. And no, vulnerability does not equate to weakness. It is impossible to be a great leaders to others until you identify and establish who you are.

Be more in tune with your attitude. Take notice to who is surrounding you when you are most happy or most fearless. Keep those people near and dear to you. However, remember relationships expand and contract. Whomever is meant to be in your life will be there in the way they were meant to be, although you may not understand it at the moment. With that in mind, value the people in your life. Be kind to all — you never know who someone may be to you someday. And while I feel as though there is so much more to say, it doesn’t really matter what I do or do not divulge… you won’t truly learn until you deal with the situations first-hand. You are smart, beautiful, amazing and everything else that goes along with that. Remember that always.

One of the main reasons I was so apprehensive to do this is because, in all honesty, I felt it was kind of dumb. I was wrong. I KNOW, I SAID IT. Seriously though… knowing what I know now, I would have so much advice for myself. The question is — would I change my choices? No, I would not. What I have been through is what has made me, me. And I am finally proud to say I am in a place where I love me.

Thanks for reading!

Talk to y’all soon,
Alex

Categories
my life

life lessons: early 20s

Presently I am 21 years, 2 months and 28 days old. What makes me in the slightest bit qualified to give advice on living your early 20s when I’ve barely experienced them?!

I reached out through my Instagram story asking peeps (ages 20 – 27) to share with me some of their most important life lessons. Everyone I have spoken to about this have had, or are having, wavering feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty — myself included. My personal experiences living and growing as a young adult, along with gaining insight into the lives of others inspired me to create this post.

This is not to say your 20s aren’t a time of euphoria, entertainment and rebellion — because they totally are. Some of these lessons were prefaced with my favorite memories! I mean, come on, we all have a good “I Need to Take a Break from Drinking” story, right?

Thank you so much to the amazing people who took the time to share with me.

These lessons are in no particular order. They are equally important.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN BIGGEST CRITIC.

I want to share that many of the women who responded to my question touched on self-confidence or body image issues in someway. It has taken me my entire life, and I am still working through, learning to love and accept myself. “You are more than the sum of your parts,” is a quote I have reflected on daily for quite sometime now. It continues to remind me how far I have come in life and how much more potential I have beyond my corporeal self.

As some of you who follow me on social media may know, I am currently watching Mad Men. The show is amazing for many, many reasons. One of which being alpha-male character, Roger Sterling. His witty comments, alcohol-loosened mind and complex personality make him one of the most beloved characters. At some point in season 5 (I think? They all run together when you binge watch) Roger says, “It is far healthier to be flawed than insecure.” This line is one that really hit me. I paused the show, wrote the quote down and began to brainstorm what it means to my life. I’m telling you — great show!

In dark times it is easy to fall into patterns, allowing yourself to fall out of priority. Something or, often times, someone is used as a substitute. You cannot love someone else until you love yourself. While the distraction may work, it is not sustainable. The root issue of self-love needs to be attended to otherwise you will continue missing something in life.

CULTIVATE AND VALUE RELATIONSHIPS.

Whether it be platonic, romantic, professional, etc. all relationships should be respected. Although this may seem obvious, I cannot stress how important it is to establish and build a good name for yourself in the world. Life is wild and it will take you all over. It is unknown who you will bump into later in life or how they may impact you. For example at my previous job, I spent a bit of time working closely with old co-workers, including my manager from a couple years ago!

I cannot even begin to tell you the countless stories of my social webs somehow intersecting. This is why it is so important to have a diverse integration of people in your core circle. Keep the people who you enjoy spending time with close to you. Take comfort in knowing there is always someone in the world who loves you, although you may not know it. And remember, everyone wants to feel loved. Once you find the people you are able to communicate open and honestly with, be sure to show your appreciation and gratitude for them — they are not easy to come by.

LEARN TO ACCEPT AND GROW FROM CRITICISM.

Many of us, myself included, have received a critique we’ve struggled with accepting. A standout moment for me happened fall of my freshman year of high school. I remember the moment so vividly… My grandma and I were standing in the kitchen as she cooked dinner. She told me about her day at work, I told her about my day at school. Then she blindsided me. “Alexandra,” she said, “maybe you should make your eyeliner a bit thinner. It looks a little harsh…” She was absolutely correct! But at the time I thought I knew everything, so of course I wrote her off as a “hater” and continued to wear my eyeliner absurdly thick. While this critique is not as important as others may be, accepting you are not always right can be a hard pill to swallow.

Fellow Philly blogger and Positivity Publicity author, Camille Mola, shared her early 20s “were a time of some serious growth — whether I knew I was growing or not.” Camille attests that during this time of chaos, it was easy to feel like “everyone else has it all figured out, except for me.” It takes time to realize no one really knows what they’re doing! I find comfort in the fact that we are all playing along in this life trying to figure it out.

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND COMMUNICATE IT.

COMMUNICATION IS SO IMPORTANT!!! Without properly being able to convey your feelings, the person (or people) you are dealing with will not understand your perspective. The same applies for the other side. In romantic situations is where I personally have found this communication to be very useful and empowering. In my personal experience of dating as a young woman I have taken notice, more often than not, there are expectations associated. This blame can be placed on a number of things, such as Tinder or Grindr, apps which condone immediate gratification. However, it can also be to blame on a lack of communication.

Just like communication, boundaries are integral to a healthy relationship. If you are in a situation in which you would rather be alone, say it. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to leave a bad date and not call them back. You are allowed to speak up if you want a specific project role. No one will know unless you make it known.

Thanks for reading!

Talk to y’all soon,
Alex

Categories
my life positivity

becoming overwhelmed

If you were to ask anyone who personally knows me they would describe my life as “hectic” or “chaotic” — no doubt in my mind! My life, just like everyone else’s, is complicated. As I mentioned in my first post, I have experienced many significant changes in my life within the past few months. And to be completely honest, I was very overwhelmed at first. I had a mini freak out, took a breath then realized: This is a normal response!  

Just like many other people I have a natural tendency to shut down when I begin to feel overwhelmed. My shoulders rise to my ears and my heart rate increases. At times when I’m really stressed out I even experience dizziness. These physical responses coupled with the intense mental strain causes everything, in that moment, to seem as though it’s too much to handle. This is exactly what happened to me when I tried to imagine what life was throwing at me. 

Life is a roller coaster! For the sake of this metaphor, this car has a lot more than one seat. Adrenaline junkie or not, everyone consciously choose to run the ride with each decision they make. Unfortunately, the part that sucks is that it’s your job to repair the ride when it breaks down. Too often we are distracted living within our own worlds that we forget the choices we make affect not only us, but those around us…

While the easiest option was to remain stagnant and be upset about the situation, this was not an option for me. So what did I do? I was forced to come to terms with the fact that the situation I was in was the result of choices I consciously made. Once I understood that, it was time to roll up my sleeves and attempt to repair this thing… and did I mention my tool skills were limited??

I devoted every ounce of my being to getting the ride back on track. With tenacious effort and mentoring from my amazing support system I was able to get the ride operating! Aside from feeling accomplished for repairing the mechanism, I refined my utilitarian skills. These skills allow me to be proactive in repairing minor issues before they cause a major malfunction. 

When it comes to my support system, I largely attribute my character development to my godmother. This woman is wise beyond her years and more than willing to share her philosophies with those who will listen. She is one of the most sensible people I know — making her one of the only people I truly listen to. I largely accredit her for my methods of dealing with stressful situations. Similarly to my aunt, I want to share my tips with those of you who are willing to listen. 

Pause and observe the situation.

I feel as though it is important to feel your emotions rather than suppress and hide them away in an attempt to forget them. You are allowed to freak out… but only for five minutes. 

No actually — Set a timer on how long you’re going to mope. Limit the amount of time you allow yourself to feel the stress and anxiety of being overwhelmed. Then move on and get over it! 

Emotional repression is actually damaging to your physical health! Countless studies show “feeling bad is good,” however, put a time limit on the negativity and prepare yourself to conquer the world. 

haha relevant

Take control.

I am a list person — I love making lists! Creating a physical representation of what you need to accomplish (…a list…) has been proven to help build mental strength. 

Feel free to flip flop this with feeling the emotions too! My typical process is making the list then freaking out over how much I have to do… then breaking it down and getting sh*t done!

One step at a time.

steps

Forreal though, deal with everything in small pieces. The inspiration for this post came to me  while I was (attempting to) clean and organize my bedroom. I tend to look at the chaotic wreck that is my room, imagine what I could be doing with the space then flopping onto my bed because I have no idea where to even begin cleaning, haha. 

As you can imagine, this is not a productive method. What do I do? Clean one part of the room at a time. I started with my tallest dresser, organizing my skincare routine, hair accessories and assorted decor until it was aesthetically appealing to me and I was content with my efforts. This same method can be applied to life; each action is a step you are taking towards a goal. 

Take a break.

Like most humans, I enjoy immediate gratification and the feeling of accomplishment accompanied with it. However, immediate gratification is a fleeting feeling; creating lasting happiness is a process. It is OKAY to not get everything done at once, so long as you are making progress along the way. Your physical body heals itself while you’re resting. The same applies to your brain — you have to allow yourself time to relax and unwind. 

It took me a little over five months to figure out what I now know. Although I may sound like I know what I’m talking about — I don’t. I am still learning, just like you. However, you have been fortunate and stumbled upon my tips to help you expedite your progress. 😉

Thanks for reading!

Talk to ya’ll soon,
Alex

References:
http://www.chopratreatmentcenter.com/blog/2017/04/26/heal-suppressed-emotional-pain/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201009/emotional-acceptance-why-feeling-bad-is-good
https://www.fastcompany.com/3063392/how-writing-to-do-lists-helps-your-brain-even-when-you-dont-comple